Empathy
Andrew and I have noticed that Grace struggles with her sleep. Her mouth is open the whole night. She often talks in her sleep. And she has dark circles under her eyes from poor sleep quality. So I started the hunt for something that could address these problems.
I found information on a device called Toothpillow. We sent in pictures and medical history and were informed that the Toothpillow would be a good fit for Grace. She has been using it since the end of January, along with virtual therapy sessions to help her strengthen her lips and tongue. The Toothpillow is kind of like a mouth guard and helps her in a few ways: it blocks her mouth during the night so that she breathes through her nose, it trains her tongue to be in a specific spot (think about the placement of your tongue when you say the letter N), and in aims to slowly widen her palate and create more room for adult teeth to come in. We have noticed that her sleep had improved, but the shape of her mouth hasn’t seemed to change much.
While talking to her Myofunctional therapist and other Toothpillow doctors, they suggested that we get Grace’s lip and tongue ties releaseed. We were given the name of a prestigious ENT, Dr. Zaghi of the Breathe Institute, and scheduled the appointment. His office is in Santa Monica (SO FAR AWAY!), so I planned the day with driving to my aunt’s home to drop off my other kids (an hour from our home), drive with Grace to the appoinment (another hour away), do the consultation and then the immediate frenectomy, drive back to pick up my other kids (2+ hours because of rush hour traffic), and then drive home (1.5 hours). About 6 hours of driving plus the stress of a child who had just had a medical procedure. It was going to be a long day, but we had prepared for it. I had spoken to Grace multiple times to help her calm her nerves and help her feel excited about meeting the doctor.
Well, we got the to appointment, and as Dr Zaghi examined her mouth, he informed me that her tonsils were very enlarged (probably due to all of the mouth breathing) and he recommended that we remove her tonsils at the same time as releasing the ties restricting her tongue movement. Then, a month after Grace was healed from that surgery. he suggested with put in a palate expander and pause on using the Toothpillow. It was a way bigger prognosis than I was expecting, and it meant that no procedure would be completed that day. As we drove back to pick up the other kids, I was filled with so many questions, doubts, worries, and frustrations. Traffic was terrible and took us other 2 hours to get back to my aunt’s house. Once I made sure all my kids were ok without me for a little while more, I drove to my Mom’s house (just a street over) and called her to tell her I needed a Mommy hug. The tears streamed out as my mom held me, but her presence helped me articulate all of my frustrations and then find calm.
As the night progressed and we returned home, the kids got ready for bed. Grace was acting so difficult. She was resisting every instruction to brush her teeth, complete her mouth exercises, or clear her nose with the saline spray (all important things in this myofunctional journey). I could tell I was getting more and more frustrated as Grace’s cries and fights escalated. But then a little thought came into my mind: “You were frustrated and feeling big emotions, too, just a few hours ago. Do you remember what helped you?…hugging your mom!”
I suddenly knew that Grace just needed connection. She needed someone to tell her that it was ok to feel the big, conflicting emotions she was experiencing. She needed someone to acknowledge that the day had not turned out as planned. She needed her mom to hold her and love her. So I went into her room, sat on her bedside, and spoke to her in a calm voice. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and then launched herself into my arms. It was a perfect moment, created because I was able to hear the promptings of the Spirit and then empathize with my daughter.
It wasn’t a fabulous day. It was long and emotional. There are still so many questions on what the next step is for Grace’s mouth health journey, and I am still feeling frustrated about my expectations and reality not working together. But the day ended on a good note. It ended with me feeling God’s love for my daughter and with her feeling supported.
